Staying Calm During the Holidays: Tips for High-Achieving, People-Pleasing Teens & Young Adults
Written by Nikita Swarna, LMFT-Associate
The holidays can feel like a whirlwind. For high-achievers and people-pleasers, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to do everything perfectly: buy the right gifts, plan the perfect meals, make sure everyone’s happy, and still keep up with school, work, or all of your other responsibilities. No wonder it feels stressful!
Here’s the truth: you don’t have to do it all, and you don’t have to carry that pressure around. Staying calm and actually enjoying the season can be possible. Here are some practical ways to do it:
1. Give Yourself Permission to Say No
It’s okay to skip an event, say no to extra responsibilities, or take a break when you need it. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.
Try this:
Before committing to something, ask yourself: “Will this truly add value or joy to my life, or am I doing it to please someone else?”
Practice a simple phrase: “I’d love to help, but I need to focus on myself right now.”
2. Focus on What You Can Control
There will always be things you can’t fix like family drama, crowded stores, or last-minute changes. Instead of stressing over what you can’t control, focus on small things you can manage:
How you respond to others
Taking five minutes to breathe or stretch
Planning one activity that brings you joy
Even little actions can help you feel grounded and more in control.
3. Take Mini Self-Care Breaks
Self-care doesn’t have to be an hour-long, but can easily be a simple, quick, and effective ritual. Try:
Five deep breaths between tasks
A short walk outside
Listening to a favorite song while doing chores
These mini-breaks help calm your mind and reset your energy before moving on to the next thing.
4. Let Go of Perfection
You might feel like every holiday detail has to be “perfect,” but perfection is a trap. Remember: the goal isn’t flawless gifts or meals, but connection, joy, and being present.
Instead of asking “Did I do enough?” try asking:
“Did I enjoy this moment?”
“Did I show up as my best self, even if it wasn’t perfect?”
5. Reflect and Celebrate Small Wins
The holidays are a good time to pause and notice what went well this year, because even small victories matter. Maybe you:
Managed a stressful project at school or work
Helped a friend or family member when they needed support
Tried something new or stepped out of your comfort zone
Write these down or just acknowledge them quietly. High-achievers often overlook their own successes, but recognizing them can ease stress and guilt.
You don’t have to carry the weight of everyone else’s expectations. This season, give yourself permission to set boundaries, focus on what you can control, and celebrate your wins no matter how small.
Remember: staying calm isn’t about doing less perfectly; it’s about taking care of yourself so you can actually enjoy the moments that matter.
